My father (like all men who have children and Wiis) decided an awesome Father's Day present would be his own copy of Wii Fit, the revolutionary workout. Apparently he didn't take into account that getting one might mean one less mouth to feed, as I was more likely to drop dead from heat stroke today than actually track down a copy.
So I hit Yonge Street/The Eaton's Centre/Metropolis Mall/The Atrium Mall after work in this order: HMV1, Mind Games, EB Games, The Source, Best Buy, Future Shop, HMV2 and the little tiny Game Shack near the subway. All of the clerks either laughed in my face and said "OH MY GOD, EVERYONE WANTS ONE," or cowered in fear of a tongue-lashing when they admitted that "No, they didn't have any; no, they had no idea when they were getting shipments of any; and please try again next week." This led me to the conclusion that, in fact, it was possible that Wii Fit never existed at all and that it's an elaborate marketing scheme to you get fit by trying to find the damn thing.
So I headed to the subway, hot and empty-handed and cursing Nintendo that I'd have to do it all over again every time I set foot into the downtown core until I got a copy. As I waited for my mother to circle the Royal York subway station (and miss me 3 times), I headed into the Shoppers Drug Mart there for a bottle of water to rehydrate and remembered that, once upon a time, I had casually remarked how ridiculous it was that some Shoppers sell Wii games. Alas, I got another funny look for my trouble when I asked if THIS Shoppers did.
And then, silly me, when I finally found my mother and she asked where I'd been in the 3 times she'd circled the block, I told her that sometimes Shoppers sells Wii crap. So she said, "Do you want to go check across the street from the apartment?" which really translated to "Walk more for this mythical video game," and I said, "Sure, why not. I enjoy a solid defeat from all sides, no use in doing this half-assed."
So I go into the Shoppers across from the apartment and I see a store copy of it, which means at some point the game was in stock. So I asked the salesgirl if they had any in. She looked at me quizically -- Oh boy, here it comes -- and said, "Did you call a couple hours ago?" No, I said, because that would have been the smart thing to do. You can use the phone in air-conditioning, without ever standing up and walking anywhere.
"Because," she said, "we just got 2 of them in about an hour and a half ago."
And for those of you playing along at home, the time was then 4:15, and I got off work at 2, it takes about half an hour to get home at that time ... so I could have been home, taken a nap and then strolled (read jaywalked) across the street to GET THE F-ING WII FIT GAME THAT I RAN ALL AROUND DOWNTOWN FOR.
But at least my father is enjoying his early present. And his failing at this game is enough LAWLS for us all.